Once Upon a Time

On an island far far away. . .
a lil story of how 2 New Yorkers spent Memorial Day weekend in Paradise.

Thursday, May 21st
6:30am - Cab! Running on approximately 6 hours of sleep in the past few nights. Work has been pure insanity. Slightly delirious. Unsure if everything made it into this super-small suitcase. But absolutely sure of the American Idol winner. Best. Finale. Ever.

7:00am - First lesson in international travel: Ticket reservation must be in the same name as passport in order to use quick-printing ticket kiosks. I usually book my fights as Lauren, apparently this morning it would have been in my best interest to be Peggy. Commence 30-minute wait at ticket counter line. Ugh.

9:30am - Bahamas Bound!

3:30pm - Reunited with Big Apple Angie at our fabulous oceanfront resort. Seriously, Sheraton Nassau = Awesome. I highly recommend.
"Let's go for a walk on the beach. Don't you want to change clothes?"
LJ looks down at white skinny jeans and tank "What? I'm fine. I'm beachy."
"No. Might as well get used to wearing your swim suit with everything. We're in the Bahamas. I just wore mine on a plane!"

Better in the Bahamas Rule #1: Always wear your swim suit. With everything. Because it's the beach.

10:00pm - Jacuzzi-ing
"It's raining. It's raining. Ang, it's raining."
Blank stare from BAA, since you know, we're in a tub full of water and everything.
"What? I just wanted you to know."

"Odd that these jets come from the seat instead of the wall?"
"Yeah, kind of a strange sensation..."

"I thought, 'me and Angie require tunes!' So I brought travel iPod speakers for jam sessions. Aren't you glad you travel with me?"
"Yessssss"

Friday, May 22nd
8:30am - Cardio-ing
"I read somewhere that crunches and lunges tighten up your muscles fast. Bikini all day means cardio and crunches. GO!"
"Fine, fine. I will do crunches. But I'm not sure about your logic..."

"Ok, I actually am pretty glad we worked out this morning."

10:30am - Side of the road
"Are you the number 10 bus? We're going downtown!"
"Downtown? Alright, get in."
"Do we pay you when we get out?"
"If you want to."

11:30am - Atlantis, Paradise Island
"2 day-passes for Angie Orth?"
"Oh yes, complimentary. Here's your map - through the village, the casino, here are the aquariums, lockers, water slides, rapids, beaches here and here. Wait till you get inside, you'll just love it."
Smiles from LJ and BAA. Trying to hold it together. Professionals after all. Totally normal to be getting into Atlantis for free...
"Oh thank you, I'm sure we will."
Once outside the door...."Ohmygggggggggg!!!!!" Squeals, Giggles, More Squeals, etc. Ohsogrownup.

12:00pm - Barely into the Atlantis Waterpark
"Ang, it's perfect! It's amazing! Look how gorgeous! It's magical!"
"I knew you were the perfect person to come on this trip, you're cracking me up!"
"Oh come on, this place is fab! Don't tell me you're not loving this?! Smile for my pics!"

"Excuse me, what are you drinking?"
LJ: "Umm, deliciousness!"
BAA: "Miami Vice...Pena Colada + Strawberry Daiquiri. You should definitely get one."

Better in the Bahamas Rule #2: Tropical fruity drinks are non-negotiable. Get one immediately.

This is where we lose all track of time. For the remainder of the trip, no idea what time it is or exactly what day it is. This is officially Vacation.

"We totally crashed as soon as we sat down on those beach chairs! How did that happen?!"
"That's what happens when New Yorkers actually sit down and rest. They just pass out!"

Predator Lagoon. This Happened. Sharks and Sting Rays and Barracudas, oh my!

"We just ate 3 different kinds of conch at dinner! Conch salad, conch fritters, cracked conch."
"Totally ok, I'm now as obsessed with conch as you are!"

Better in the Bahamas Rule #3: Eat conch! Lots of it! In every prepared form. You'll regret it if you don't.

"Um, just me, or is everyone in the Casino staring at us? Do we look like hookers? What's the deal?"
"Wow, this isn't awkward at all. Perhaps we should have opted for sweatpants and flip-flops instead of heels."

Old guy at the bar: "So where are you from?"
"New York"
"New York! I used to live in Albany. For a month."
huh? and later...
"Would you care to dance?"
"Dance to Can you feel the love Tonight? Um, no thank you?"

"DANCING QUEEN! We are so singing this and jumping on the bed when we get back to our room!"
"Best idea we've had all night!"

Better in the Bahamas Rule #4: When your super-cute heels hurt your feet, bail on the lame guys at the bar and jump on your hotel bed while singing ABBA.

Saturday, May 23rd

"I was so careful not to wake you up before now so that you wouldn't make me go work out!"
"Angie!! Now we don't have enough time!"
"I know, hah!"

"Here are your towels beautiful ladies."
"Have you noticed that all the Bahamians keep calling us beautiful?"

"Well, maybe it won't actually rain...."
With skeptical side-glance "LJ, did you see the same weather forecast that I did?"

"I'm on a boat! Got my swim trunks and my flippy-floppies..."
"I really can't believe that I haven't seen this SNL skit you keep singing. I'm You Tubing it as soon as we're home."
"I'm on a boat..."

sidenote: Who knew the "I'm on a boat" Andy Samberg skit wasn't available for viewing in different countries?!

"You'd think we'd see the boat by now, where is it?"
Bahamian Hotel Worker: "You don't see it? It's right there. I can't believe you don't see it."
"I think you're lying. I don't see any boat."
"What?! You just don't know where to look. It's right there. See?"
"You are making it up. No boat in sight."
"1 - 2 - 3..."
"Oh! There it is...huh."
"See, told you it was coming."

Better in the Bahamas Rule #5: Bahamian's will tell you whatever you want to hear. Truth, lies, doesn't matter. Always whatever you want to hear.

"So....this boat is going to be full of children."
"High School Grads. 18-yr-olds. Ew."
"Are we too old for booze cruises?"

"True or False: Snorkeling in the rain is a bad idea."
"True. Let's get these wrist bands off and get a Goombay Smash."
"Right behind ya."

See Better in the Bahamas Rule #2.

"I'm so great. I could do a perfect Tree pose right now."
"Oh please show me Ang. Then we wouldn't just be the old girls on the boat, we'd be the old girls doing yoga on the boat."

"Are they seriously wearing Speedos?"
"What kind of bet did they lose?"
"Woah, entirely too much for me."

"Slide to the left. Slide to the Right. Cha Cha now y'all. Everybody clap your hands."
"This is the new Electric Slide."
"These people aren't even old enough to know what the Electric Slide is."

Better in the Bahamas Rule #6: Ain't no party like a Booze Cruise party 'cause the Booze Cruise party don't stop. (or so they say...)

"Are you seeing this crazy man in jorts over there?!"
"Oh! What is he doing?"
"Watching those women dance. Attempting to dance on the side? Ummm..."
"Ewww!"

"Well I think he's so great! And cute! And I think I really like him! I mean, based on his Facebook profile, of course."
"HAHAHA! I'm tweeting that."
"You think he has friends?"

Sunday, May 24th
8:30am - Finally figure out what time it is. Quick run. Last few hours on the beach. There is sun today! Don't worry Mom, SPF 45 for me. There's something about the ocean, the sunshine, and a beach chair that puts me right to sleep. Awakened to the same Bahamian island music we've been listening to all weekend. Seriously, all of these songs sound the same. Regretfully, it's time to pack it up.

1:30pm - Cabb-ing
"To the Airport? You're leaving us? Such beautiful eyes! And smile. And so polite. Where are you from?"
"Oh thank you, I'm from New York."
"Oh? But New Yorkers are always so angry. You're so friendly and well-mannered. Ok, let me ask you this...where did you grow up?"
"Haha, grew up in Texas."
"Ahhhhh, see? That's why you're friendly. Texans are always well-mannered and polite."
"Well then I guess I must blame that on Texas..."

Better in the Bahamas Rule #7: Oh how those Bahamian men love us blue-eyed girls.

4:30pm - Nassau International Airport. Through Customs. Did I come in contact with any farm animals during my stay? Um, no. It's pouring down rain. Glad I'm not missing any sun.

6:30pm - JFK
Dearest Manhattan, I'm home. I do love the aerial view of the City at dusk, it's perfectly lovely. But I just don't have any desire to be coming home to you and real life right now.

And so ends La La Lauren and Big Apple Angie's weekend Island Adventure. There was a lot of rain, but enough sunshine to keep us happy. There were gorgeous beaches, turquoise water, sharks, rapids, palm trees, boats, casinos and Bahamian accents. There was uncontrollable giggling, silliness and chatting until 4am. Next time, and there will definitely be a next time, we're taking on the out islands - Exuma here we come! And I simply cannot wait!

So Better in the Bahamas 2009? Better indeed.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.