Just Being Real

Can we be real for a minute here? Only a minute. And only because I think it's necessary to be really real sometimes.

So just for a minute, I need to be real about New York City. And Texas. And me.

I have not lived in New York for a full year now. Translation: I have now lived in Texas again for a full year. One year. An eternity - like I never left at all. But at the same time, only a second - like I keep waiting to wake up and head back to life in NYC.

It feels like a lifetime and a different girl ago. Is that a thing?

Leaving New York was tough. Like heart-hurting, breaking-up, am-I-making-the-biggest-mistake-of-my-life tough. I love that city. With my whole heart. I loved my five years living there. Every minute (even the hard ones). I am the girl I am today because of that city. As much as Texas made me, New York City shaped me.

I am completely confident that it was my time to leave New York when I did and head back home to the south. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be. Or the amount of time it would take me to fully adjust. In some ways, I still haven't.

But then there's Dallas. And oh Dallas has quite grown on me. I love my apartment with BFF, Lindsey. I love my very own bathroom. And my crazy big closet that fits all seasons of clothes and all my shoes at once. It is magical. I love lounging by our pool on any given lazy weekend. I love all of the new friends I have made here. And by some blessing of the Lord, I have made more than a few.

I love that I see my family as often as I like...which quite honestly is sometimes once a week. And usually so daddy can make me weekend breakfast. I love that I can meet my sister for lunch or take a day off work to go antiquey treasure hunting with mom. I love that I can hang out with my brother and his cutie family any time I feel like swinging by their place. I love that my niece looks forward to our girly play dates and that I'm not watching my nephew grow up through pictures. I especially love that I have been here through every step of my sister's pregnancy. It's different when it's your sister. It just is.

I am happy in Texas. I very much love it here. And I loved Texas before I loved New York. Maybe I loved it even more when I was still in New York - just out of principle.

So all this to say....sometimes I have moments when I miss New York and my old life so terribly that it hurts. But those moments are fewer and fewer the longer I am gone. I worry that I will forget. And that New York City will forget me.

But then I read things like this subway poster on the un-ordinary-ness of New York. Words that so fully embody the spirit of the City that I'm overwhelmed with nostalgia. I can almost feel the woosh of the train on the subway platform, hear the taxi horns on the streets, see the city lights out my window.

Can't argue, New York City is no ordinary city. And I'm reminded that for five years, it was mine.

Even though I've adjusted to being a full time Texan again, I was a New Yorker for a season. And sometimes I miss it.

So that's just me. Being real.