I really love my mom

True or not true: I am the worst daughter of all time. Here are the facts. You decide for yourself.

My mom --
who I adore,
who has been not so patiently patiently awaiting my return to the Lone Star State for 5 years,
who didn't really think she'd be able to make the trip to help me pack up my apartment,
who caved and bought a buddy pass from our wonderful friend, Shirley, once she heard how disappointed I was, so that she could come help her daughter move,
she is my hero.

Mom flew standby to NYC on a Tuesday. Armed with bubble wrap, heavy duty packing tape and an empty suitcase.

She carried boxes from 81st Street to 89th Street while I was at work. Because I surely hadn't started packing. Or taking anything off the walls.

She carefully packed my life into 8 massive 75lb boxes on a Wednesday. While I was again at work.



She handled...well...she dealt with my 2 week countdown freak out(s).

She took a Thursday Riverside Park walk up to see Grant's Tomb (which was very cool). She met me for lunch in SoHo. She saw my view of the Hudson River. She met my friends from work who I talk so much about.





She graciously reminded me (and my friends...) that this was in fact the SECOND time that she had packed up my life for me. Turns out, when I swiftly left Austin in pursuit of this New York dream after graduation, she and Daddy packed up my Austin apartment and drove all my things back to Dallas that June. I'd kind of forgotten that. Oops.

She went with my guy-with-a-van to FedEx where she shipped all my boxes / my life back to Texas on a Friday. Then she got lost wandering around Central Park. (bahahaha!!)

She went to the airport on a Saturday with 3 very heavy suitcases packed full of my things in tow. And then had to come back to my apartment 5 hours later when there were no flights out of LGA. Sans suitcases, thankfully. She came to my birthday party with all my New York friends.

She went back to the airport veeeeery early on a Sunday. Where she sat for several hours with no way out. She flew to DC. Sat several more hours. Then thankfully to Memphis. Then finally home to Dallas. Where she was exhausted and probably glad to be rid of me and my messiness.

In return, I gave her a gift card to Starbucks for all her morning coffees, paid for every meal I could and bought us tickets for one last Broadway musical.

Oh. And I came back to Texas.
Fair trade, no?



Love you much Mommy!
You're absolutely the best. And I just don't know what I would have done without you!
<3

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

I think Friday Night Lights might be my favorite show on TV.
I love Texas high school football. I love Coach Taylor. I love Tim Riggins. And Matty Saracen - aka QB1.

And I'm completely devastated that last Friday was the series finale. I won't lie, I cried through most of it. Don't judge me.

I'll miss Coach T and his weekly words of wisdom. Good thing I own Seasons 1 & 2 and believe I will be purchasing the remaining seasons quite soon.

For now I leave you with this farewell promo, sending the boys out in style...

Adjusting.

Chaos. That's how my life felt as soon as I arrived in Texas 12 days ago. Absolutely chaotic.

Not surprisingly, things are a little messy right now. That's all. But I'm figuring it out. Slowly.

Everything here is familiar and comforting in so many ways. This is the house I grew up in. These are the streets I've driven down a million and a half times. These are all my things and this is my room.

But so much has changed. I am not 18 anymore. I haven't lived in this house, in this town, with these people, or this close to my family, in almost 9 years. But now I do.

Exciting? Yes. Disconcerting? Quite.

In the midst of all this Texas-style change, I feel a little bit lost. Like I've left a huge piece of my grown-up self in New York. With my old life. But this is Texas. This is home. And it's familiar and strange all at the same time right now.

And that juxtaposition is kinda messing with me. But I'm adjusting.

Once I get rid of all these boxes and find a way to bring some of my New York self into this room and into the new life I'm building here, I know it will be less messy.

And I'll be back to my normal cheery bloggies very soon.
Until then, hold tight. I'm adjusting.

Exit Strategy

I have one day left in New York as I write this.

Only one day. And I'm an emotional mess. Not so much because I'm sad (although I am...very). But mostly because I'm so incredibly blessed by the life that I've had here.

I've decided there is no exit strategy for New York.

How do you leave this city? Where everything is crazy fast, where there are always a million things to do, places to see, adventures to have? A city that never fails to keep surprising you? This city pulls you in. Opens your eyes. Changes you.

I love New York City. I love the life I've been blessed with here. And oh, have I been blessed.

By some provision of the Lord, this urban world a thousand miles away and a thousand times different from where I grew up has been my home. It's a world where I'm comfortable, where I threw myself into unknown and ended up finding so much more than I imagined for myself.

So while there is no "good" exit strategy for leaving this city, here's mine:
I'm taking a chance. Just like I did when I moved here. I'm daring to imagine a different life for myself. I'm taking a leap...and hoping with everything I have that I find new footing.

If I've learned anything in these past 5 years, it's to let God be God, to accept that his timing is perfect. And trust that He has great things in store for me. So I'm trusting. Even though I'm scared and seasons of change are hard.

After 5 unforgettable New York City years, I'm embracing this change and looking towards a new chapter in my life. I'm letting go of the familiar, of the big kid life I know and love, and hoping for something different.

And in my time here, my only hope is that I've influenced someone. I hope that I've been a light. I hope I've been an example and I hope that I've made a difference.

Tomorrow -- I'm Texas bound from LGA. One more time.

Blank Walls

I want to write about New York.

I want to write about leaving New York. About everything I'm thinking, everything I'm feeling, everything I'm looking forward to and everything I'm leaving behind. But the words won't come.

So instead, I'm sitting here staring at the blank walls of what used to be the most fabulous New York bedroom ever. With high ceilings and huge windows and beautiful hard wood floors. But now the walls are bare, the shelves, closets and drawers are all empty. And all my things that once decorated this pretty room are now packed into boxes on a truck to Texas.

I'm restless. I can't sleep. I can't write. I can't do anything. But stare at my bare walls. And wonder what's next. For them. For me.

I want to write about New York.
And I will. Once I can get past the blank walls.

27 on June 27th

Today is my Golden Birthday.

I don't really know what this means exactly. But according to Wikipedia (my trusted source for all useful unnecessary information) --

A person's Golden or Grand Birthday, also referred to as their "Lucky Birthday", "Champagne Birthday" or "Star Birthday", occurs when they turn the age of their birth day.

So if this is a milestone noteworthy enough for Wikipedia to mention, I do believe it is something worth celebrating.

And celebrate I shall. Probably with champagne. Because while I like the sound of Gold on my Golden Birthday, I also really like the sound of champagne. Perhaps I can combine the two and celebrate my Golden Champagne Birthday. Yes. That I like.

Cheers to 27 on the 27th!

Reflections on Five Years

Dear New York,

It's been 5 years since I arrived here from Texas. Fresh off the highs of college graduation and ambition. Almost 22 years old, so excited for a new urban life, bright-eyed, determined and just slightly terrified. It didn't take me long to get used to your hot summer days, public transportation, crowds, horribly inconsistent weekend subway schedules and surprisingly comforting street noises.

I've spent 5 crisp New York falls watching Texas football games at bars cheering alongside too many other burnt-orange-clad Longhorns to count. I've managed to get through 5 of the coldest winters of my life without significant depression, with several snowy adventures and ice skating under the stars. Spent 5 holiday seasons mesmerized by the magic that floats through the streets at Christmastime. Then watched these 5 seemingly unending winters finally fade to springtime, bringing warm sunshine, brightly colored flowers and a renewed spirit to the city.

I've explored every borough. Fell in love with the charm of the West Village. Spent the night in Rock Center in hopes of scoring tickets to SNL. Watched summer movies in Central Park. Seen more Broadway shows than I can count. I even served Jury Duty. I've visited Philly, the Hudson River Valley, Atlantic City, the Jersey Shore, Long Island beaches, the Hamptons, Cape Cod and Washington DC.

I'm so very in love with you, with my life here. With all my amazing friends that truly make this place my home.

After 5 years of our relationship, it is very difficult for me to break this news to you New York. And it's with a very heavy heart that I tell you I am leaving. I know, you probably didn't see it coming. I was surprised too. But you knew the time would come when the South would call me back. And it's time.

So I guess, all this to say...After 5 years of New York City life, I'm going back to Texas.

I still love you New York. But my heart has always been in Texas. You can bet I'll be back to visit often. After all, you're not going anywhere.

xoxo,
lauren